Domestic abuse and sexual violence

What to do if you, or someone you know, needs help and advice regarding domestic abuse.

You should always call 999 in an emergency, or if you or someone else is in immediate danger. If speaking or making a sound would put you in danger, stay on the line and press 55 when prompted - the call will be transferred to the police who'll know it's an emergency.

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If you need to speak to someone about yourself or if you are worried about someone you know, you can call the Suffolk Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0800 977 5690 or use the live webchat service (a chat box will pop up). Both are open 24/7 and are free of charge.

What is domestic abuse?

The Home Office defines domestic abuse as: Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality (family members are: mother, father, son, daughter, brother, sister & grandparents; directly-related, in-laws or step-family).

This can encompass, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse:

  • psychological or emotional ie: controlling and coercive behaviour
  • physical -violent or threatening
  • sexual
  • financial/economic abuse - any behaviour that has a substantial adverse effect on someone’s ability to (a)acquire, use or maintain money or other property, or (b)obtain goods or services.

Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.

Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.

Am I being abused? 

It may not be easy to recognise that you are being abused. The person abusing you is likely to tell you that it is “your fault” or that “it’s not that bad”. They may try to convince you that it’s perfectly normal or that no-one else would believe you. 

You will probably have changed the way you do things to try and maintain calm and keep the abuser happy. However, it is likely that no matter what you do the abuse continues and possibly gets worse, the level of abuse may escalate, and it is likely to happen more often.

Isolation is a key tactic used by abusers to establish power and control, and to try and make you completely dependant on them. An abuser seeking to isolate you may:

  • Prevent you from seeing family and friends
  • Encourage you to quit your work or study
  • Monitor your movements
  • Monitor your online activity
  • Restrict your access to money
  • Deny you access to buy basic necessities.

By recognising that you are being abused you can start to identify risks and think about ways you might be able to stay safer.

Help is available

Whether you are currently experiencing domestic abuse, have recently left an abusive relationship or think you may be in an abusive relationship it is important to know you are not alone. There are services that can help you better understand what is happening to you, they will be able to offer advice on staying safe, provide practical support and help you to work through any decisions you want to make. 

Try talking to someone you trust or contact an organisation for support:

Further details on support services can be found at the links below:

These files are supplied by a third-party and may not be suitable for users of assistive technology. Find out how to request an accessible format.

Next steps

Only leave when it is safe to do so.

Leaving is a process. During this process and the period following separation the risk to you (and your children) is at its highest. If you are thinking of leaving it is important that you have a plan and some support to keep yourself safe. Speak to someone about what is going on and consider getting support from a specialist agency who can offer advice on the best ways to leave safely and how you can stay safe post-separation. 

Links to agencies that can help can be found under the 'Help is available' section.

If you would like to become a domestic abuse champion (by joining our free training courses for anyone living or working in Suffolk) or find out more about the work being done in Suffolk to support victims and stop domestic abuse, please contact community.safety@suffolk.gov.uk.